Time to get going my friends!

It has been far to long since I’ve last wrote. And that needs to change. You may be asking what’s new in my life. Well… we had our baby! In june we welcomed a beautiful baby boy. He is now almost 3 months (are you kidding me!?!) And growing wonderfully! We are all doing well. Our toddler who is 2 1/2 is potty training and doing darn well!

Now to me. Well still overweight!  But have lost all the baby weight. I am breastfeeding and loving it but finding it hard to lose when I have to eat to make enough milk. Lil O eats. All. The. Time. A few weeks back I got real serious on what I eat and eat the caloric count fitness pal suggested. But my milk decreased. 😦 I have to find a happy medium somewhere! Need to stop eating out, which because of a busy life we have done to much lately.  So need to get back eating healthy and I know it will all fall in place. 😀

During my pregnancy I was so swollen that I could barely move! It hurt to walk, to sit, to stand, to lay still… I bet you get the picture! Anyway once I de-swelled I loved that I could wall without crying! The boys and I walked almost everyday. We signed up for our local gym. I was doing so well! Well I’ve been slacking a bit. I must admit! Truth be told I just love to sleep! I must get back to choosing to wake up and go, go, GO!

I COULD GO ON AND ON! But I won’t at least not today! I hope you join me on my journey and share your thoughts with me. Here we go!

2014. Am I ready?!? I sure hope so. Yes, I mean. I AM! (but really am I???)

Ringing in a new year with lots of changes ahead! A new baby (man it feels good to be able to say that now!) this summer. The step boys are getting older which means they are participating in more sports and school events which means we are working on new arrangements to make sure they can do them. Got some major bills we really need to work on, did good in 2013 but this year we need to do GREAT. I need to lose weight this year, after the babe is born oh course! Actually up to this point I have completely maintained where I am at, actually lost a little from the morning sickness. Got to maintain, that’s what the doc said! Leo will be 2 in feb. Oh man the twos!!

2014 will be a good year, I can feel it. Although do we always feel this way with the new year? Personally I am not one for resolutions. Not my thing. Seems silly to put a ‘resolution’ into place when you know its just a ‘thing’ to do because its the new year. Now what I do think is a good idea is making good healthy life changes that you already knew last year you needed to change. Maybe its the same thing, to me its not though. Anyway I know this year I need to be more serious than I ever have been about bills. Time to refocus and keep trucking! Getting insurance for our family has been another issue I am working on. I have been trying for at least 2 months to get “verified” for obamacare to see if I qualify for extra help. I cant even tell you how many stupid times I deleted my application and re did it, in hopes of getting past the glitch. Well tonight I completely deleted my profile and made a new profile, username, everything. And bam! It verifies me right away and my application is being sent on to see if we qualify for extra help. Choosing not to be upset, because is there any reason? What else for the new year? Well I need to keep working on me. Simply put. I have forgotten for so long to take care of me. And its that old saying, ‘if mama aint happy, aint nobody happy!’ The hubbs and i will continue to work on us. We have been married for 5 years and together longer than that. We have reached that stage where things go unsaid and that’s very damaging to a relationship, any relationship but especially a marriage. I think we both feel at times that its easier just not to say anything, about even the smallest things like what happened during our day. Its not that we have a horrible marriage, I’m actually very happy and I know lee is also. Its just time for a check up and make us even better. I will continue to work on me as a mom and a step-mom. I love the mom I am to my 3 boys BUT I would be lying if I said being a step-mom is easy. Do I regret, despise it or hate it? Absolutely not.  I love it and I have such unconditional love for my step boys. I think its the distance that makes it the hardest. We see them throughout the year and each time they come home, they have grown and changed. Its like we have to re-learn their personalities for the stage they are in each and every time. We have to start at stage one. Now do they change that much, no. But you all remember teen years. Put a couple months in-between each time you see a teen, and they are different.  My two step boys are pretty darn amazing and we have grown together. There’s no manual on ‘how to be the perfect step-mom’. Now I have read many parenting books for stepchildren. But nothing is perfect. I mess up, each and every time they are here. And it has severely played with my moods and if you will depression. I feel like I am constantly under a magnifying glass, am I? Should I really care what anyone, and I mean anyone else thinks of me as a step-parent. NO. But I would be lying if I said I dont think about it. So this year I will start not caring and just do me as a step-mom.

Speaking of being a step-mom, its my boys last day here with us. So its time to sign off and get them off their tablets and play a game or something! Love to all. From our family to yours we wish you an awesome 2014!

 

I’m back and I’ve got some BIG news!!

We are expecting! Which is why I have wrote since Oct! Obviously I haven’t been losing weight (well not on purpose anyway!). I wasn’t sure how to write about losing weight while pregnant so I decided to just wait until we announced it. Although I do really have to say I have missed my blog and am ready to get back to the keyboard! The blog will focus more on our family and the things I’m learning about family along the way. And all the fun of course!

We are currently almost 14 weeks along, due on July 1st 2014. Starting at about 11 weeks we started having slight issues with spotting. And it has continued so far but it has really faded, and has almost completely stopped. as of today anyway! Never really had much cramping but knew I needed to take it super, super easy. I dont know if I am really ready to share this but I think it will be good for me – this summer we had a miscarriage and it destroyed me. But thanks to a lot of love and support from family and friends AND GOD I made it through. It still continues to be a struggle but I’m healing thanks to Gods grace. It does help knowing that the babe is in Heaven, running around in the grass with Jesus (that is what i envision anyway!)

This weekend would have been the birth of the babe. Its hard knowing that today we should have a baby and we are pregnant with another one. please do not misunderstand me. I am so blessed and happy to be pregnant right now. But it is hard knowing we lost this other baby and that I could be holding him/her today. For whatever reason God chose to allow this miscarriage and I am coming to an understanding of this.

When we started spotting again this time I felt so defeated. That we would lose another baby. I had a small amount of time that I felt this way. I finally realized that we hadn’t lost the baby yet and I was going to fight for its life. So my thoughts and prayers changed. I asked for others close to us who knew we are pregnant to also pray. A week after and still spotting I announced to our church that we were expecting and what was happening. I also shared for the first time about the miscarriage. The church did pray for us and I know many of the members continued to pray as they went home. The deacons and pastor surrounded us in prayer and prayed for our babe. The next morning my spirits had been completely refreshed and I felt strong. I know the prayers have helped. We have seen the doctor and everything looked okay. When we had the issues this last summer with the last babe I remember them saying something about the placenta having torn away a bit. I have to wonder if this maybe has happened again. So i have been put on ‘bed rest’ (partial bed rest really) and pelvic rest. I am not picking up much at all and not doing much around the house at all. My family and hubby have been so wonderful and demanding (!) that I take it easy. And i have been! I am making sure I dont know anything to hurt this baby.

Because Baby mommy loves you and I can not wait to meet you this summer! You are strong! Keep holding on for mommy and I’ll keep fighting (while I’m resting) for you.

Proud Mama!

not going to talk much about food tonight as I want to take a quick minute to BRAG about the kiddos! Josh got 1st chair in band! Whoop, Whoop! So proud of him! Our kids are so musical but they haven’t explored it much yet. So when Joshie decided to go out for band this year (in 6th grade) and is loving it! Dig is watching them play football right now, cant wait to see the video! Very blessed to have step kids who I couldn’t love more and that are so talented.

Leo has been such a good boy for me, which he always is. He is one of those kids that even when he’s naughty he is still pretty darn good. He loves to “help”. I hope he never grows out of this, even though I am pretty sure he will, but he LOVES to do chores! He unloads the dishwasher with me, helps with laundry (in his way) helps me push/carry heavy things, loves the broom and vacuum. His new favorite thing is washing dishes! So blessed.

Hope you are all having a great day with your loved ones and have a SPOOKY halloween! Leo is being KING KONG! 🙂

A weekend filled with love, laughter, 5th anniversaries and family!

What a great weekend! I love spending time with family, honestly my absolutely favorite way to spend my time. Saturday got to spend time with my sister in laws, who couldn’t be more like real sisters to me, my brother in law and lovely niece. Today spent the entire day with my mom and dad in law. I am so blessed with such an amazing in law family and I cherish all of them dearly. They have accepted me into their family and I couldn’t be happier. The beginning was a tad rough as I was learning to be a step mom and what my ‘role’ was, but time has helped me grow and all of relationships grow.

Dig and I celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary this weekend! WOW! 5 years already. I love him more everyday. He spent our anniversary on a plane, on his way to see Ryan and Josh. Sounds like they had a wonderful weekend. He will get to spend a lot more time with them and see Ryan play football! We Skyped with them today and it made me miss my boys even more. So glad he was able to go and spend time with. And PS – Kick some butts Ryan!!! Step-mama’s yelling from here! 🙂

Food. Went okay this weekend. I did take my juicer with while away and did still eat meals with the fam as we were out. But I was good, no really! I was proud of myself. Today we grilled hamburgers and well I may have eat a little much. But dang they tasted good. And i dont feel bad about it. I know I will be okay. I’m making choices that are okay. Did make 100% good choices, maybe not. But I’m okay. I’m done with the 15 day juicing and I plan on continuing. My thoughts are probably doing a juice for breakfast, lunch and a light one after supper. Being that I’m almost out of veggies/fruits and payday is just around the corner, I’ll just have to be really good until then! And with having to

Today was…. great!

Totally conquered the day! The tortilla you see above is the only carb I had all day!  This was my supper – an all veggies wrap,  sweet potato and carrot fries and an apple, carrot, lemon juice.  I was so full after! I knew I wanted more than just a juice for supper but I knew I had to stay true to everything I wrote last night. For lunch I had a mean green juice and a salad. Throughout the day I stayed focused and busy. And more I feel good (and still full!) This weekend we are headed into Omaha so the hubby can fly out to see the boys.  Sad that I’m not going but they will be here thanksgiving.  I am bringing my juicer and fruits/veggies. Tomorrow is also weigh in day and I know it may not reflect as good as I wished for the week but I know where to go from here!

I received many words of encouragement from my post yesterday.  Thank you from the bottom of my belly, I mean heart 😉

This time HAS to be different.

I am slowly falling back into what has happened every other stinking time I have started getting ‘healthy’. I’m all in for the first week or two and I do really well. Then I start justifying. “well i have been doing this or that so I’m okay.” NO! that’s not going to work. Its not going to help me lose the  weight! I have not fallen bad yet. But I am seeing the patterns and if you are keeping up I am sure you are too. This time around with the fruits and veggies almost places a fall security in my brain that its okay to do a little off the plan here and there because I know I am doing so good. But that’s stupid and frankly very ignorant, I am only hurting myself. So as the title of this post says, this time HAS to be different. its time to get a 100% straight, not 75 or 80 or even 90%. I have to be a hundred percent on board. This time I have to make it work. I am so sick of being fat, tired and sad (about myself)

Tonight I was going through our family pictures from the summer. Blah. I want to be able to look at pictures and not fell disappointed by myself. Now being overweight isn’t the worst thing in the world. I like being curvy but I dont like be unhealthy and this overweight. That’s just my personal thoughts about myself. I want to be the woman I am in my dreams, fit and healthy. I could go on and on about my feelings about the pictures. But I wont. Because they were beautiful family photos and there is absolutely no point in pouting about me. Its just time to change it.

So where do I go from here you may ask yourself?

1. Keep going with the reboot. Instead of a 15 day plan, I will be doing a 60 day plan. If I am going to eat another meal it needs to be mostly veggies and fruits. After the 60 days I will keep juicing with adding a meal a day.
2. EXERCISE! I got to get going on that. No more excuses. need to find a way to get moving so way or another. Whatever it is I need to get moving.
3. Snacking. WARNING! WARNING! needs to be flashing in my brain. Are you really hungry or are you just bored are the questions I need to ask myself. I will try fruit, veggies, water etc.
4. I will not beat myself up over a little mistake here or there. But I need to stay focused and learn from them.
5. Keep on bloggin! It really is helping. Seriously there have been a few times I really don’t want to blog because I know I didn’t do the best that day. BUT i knew I had to for myself. Good or bad I need to blog it for my accountability.

This time will be different because it has to be. And I’m ready for it.

Focus. Eyes on the prize!

Although I have been committed and doing good with my reboot, I really need to refocus and make sure to keep on track. This last weekend I was gone to much and even though I juiced I still eat out to much. Today I did something I haven’t done in a long time, (when I say long time I mean since I started this journey) and that is sleep eating. Not really sure how else to say it but that’s what I think of it. I was conscious to the fact that I wasn’t hungry but was so sleepy my stomach wouldn’t listen to my mind when I said IM NOT HUNGRY!! So I eat a brat. Barely tasting it. Blah. Before starting this journey and getting real about my weight issues, I was terrible with this problem. I felt that if I eat something in the middle of the night it would help me sleep better. Do any of you suffer from this train of thought? I thought a glass of milk and something small like a granola bar or something would be the cure all to a busy mind that just wouldn’t let me sleep.  Since I have cut out caffeine I have noticed a huge difference in my sleep. Being that I live where i work, I have to keep an ear out anyway throughout the night for the phone. But I have noticed a big difference. Oh well it happened today, I felt like crap afterwards and I will not do it again. Well I might but I’m sure going to fight it harder than I did today!

Being that I have cut out caffeine I am making way better choices on drinks. Water is my go to drink, well of course if I’m not juicing! Today while I was shopping for the next 5 days I wanted a tea or something to drink. But nope. I got a water. That’s right. booyah!

Tonight I made the best juice. it was yummmmo. Here’s the rundown, a sweet potato, handful strawberries, a red apple, 2 ripe peaches and a dash of cinnamon. Oh. my. gosh. So good!!!

that’s all for tonight, this gal is tired!

Craving my juice after to many carbs.

Yesterday we headed up to meet up with my sister in law and her family to go to the pumpkin patch. My mom eat with us and left from there, sad to see her go. Leo had so much fun with his nana banana.  (If I seem distracted at any point is because I am. Listening to the best music known to man,  my son and hubby playing and laughing.) We eat at a little spaghetti shop.  It was good, but knew to go somewhat careful. I had a salad and a little pasta, leo ate most of it. Thank you Leo! Mommy loves you, my little garbage can. 🙂 after we got finished I craved my juice so badly. I was okay with the choices I made but again just felt heavy from it. Once we got to the pumpkin patch I did drink my juice,  a double serving mind you.  It helped, alot. The pumpkin patch was so huge and we all had a great time! Leo had a blast. He loved the animals, corn maze, the huge slides and the water duck races. I think his favorite though was riding the hay ride to go out to the pumpkin patch. He ran around that pumpkin patch looking  for the best little pumpkin.  He found a beautiful one. We went out to eat for supper as well.  Feeling pretty blah after eating out this weekend but I juiced my way through today which helps. The apples I got this time are amazing and tasted so good! I made a carrot,  apple,  lemon juice. Yummy. The hubby even enjoyed a sip. About to enjoy a grape, mint and blueberry juice. 🙂

Beets. Hmm…

Today I tried juicing beets, I didn’t mind it but glad I listened to my mom about good ol beets. My sister had told her how strong they and she didn’t care for them.  My mom suggested use less then the called for. So I did.  It was a beet, celery, orange, basil, kale, lemon. Ok it’s look was very deceiving, as my mom said it looked like a frothy raspberry drink,  which it did. It was a beautiful color. And

once it got really cold I actually liked it. Juiced all day and enjoyed a nice meal with my mom.  We took leo to the park today,  had a blast. 🙂 it was fun! We also helped Leo paint his Halloween pumpkin.  Yea it’s awesome.  Tomorrow we are going up to a pumpkin patch

That’s all today,  so tired